i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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