Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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