I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
