I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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