Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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