I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
