I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
