does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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