You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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