I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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