One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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