This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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