I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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