Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
