Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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