I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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