Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
