she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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