Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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