It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
