Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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