so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
