The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
