You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
