Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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