so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize