Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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