Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Fuck appropriateness.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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