He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
