i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
