yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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