We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize