There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
