it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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