She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
