Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
