I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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