ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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