you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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