I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
As shirtless as possible
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
