I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize