you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
