It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
