carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
