You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Come see our sink grown plant.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
