My sheets look like a crime scene.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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