Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
