There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
