Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize