My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
