I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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