It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
