he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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