you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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