So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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