I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
