I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
