I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
