He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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