now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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