The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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