PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
