i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
