Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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