He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
