; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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