she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize