I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize