# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
