Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
