he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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