we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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