I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
