When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
