in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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