Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize