so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
