Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
