I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
