just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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