We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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