Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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