Your tits are I can't wait for
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
