By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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